it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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