Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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