Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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