he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
