what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
