Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
