just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
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The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
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Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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