i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
