I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
