Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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