Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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