it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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