i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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