i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
