I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
