so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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