My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
