Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
