Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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