there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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