If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
