Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
