you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
