I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
