i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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