If i come over, it means nothing
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
