we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
