I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
