i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
