She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
