its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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