I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Randomize
