Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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