3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize