Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
