Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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