I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
