i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
