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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
