he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
