Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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