The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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