if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
there's paper in my vomit.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
