there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
