She is in my trunk
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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