I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
