i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
