so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
