Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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