I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
This is my gift to your gina
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
So here I am, sexting at work.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
