You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
