At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
