I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
