i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
