I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
