I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
