Umm I'm too high to move.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
