i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
