you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
