Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
