So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
