You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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