You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
