Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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