bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
