I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We are all done wearing pants today
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
