Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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