you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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