Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
