One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
