my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
