Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
