He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
