why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
