You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
