i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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