i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
