I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
