I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
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All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
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Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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