Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
